Some magical things have happened since I married, and more recently, became pregnant. The support from people in my life has been mostly overwhelming, but it's also been illuminating: it comes from (for the most part) those older than me, who have been down this road before.
As for my peers? I have more than one friend who stopped talking to me after the pregnancy email went out. They just literally never responded, and I hear through the grapevine that they take the baby in my belly as some sort of criticism on their own life.
"Think about where they are coming from," my mother counseled, and I said "Why? Why do I have to? It's like the lady at McDonald's telling me that she doesn't like my t-shirt; it has nothing to do with her." And so being married and expecting a baby has nothing to do with my friends, both close and not-so-close. I promise each and every one of them that in the moments where making a baby was a possability, I had none of them on my mind.
I'm pretty fond of Bridget Jones and her Smug Marrieds, but in my world, taking a traditional route has caused me to be a social pariah. Now that I'm not the Only.Married.One, having a husband has become a little more acceptable, but the having a baby? No one else is there yet. And somehow the fact that I am makes some of my oldest friends draw away.
I'm still me, just as I was when I fell in love with K., just as I will be after the baby is born. I might not be sleeping in and as obsessive about my kitchen floor, but I can guarantee I'll still like quirky British movies, suck at Scrabble, and be incapable of not consuming any chocolate in the house. So the fact that some of my peers take a choice that is wholely mine personally makes me very sad, and more than a bit resentful.
Delivering a wedding present.
1 month ago