Monday, June 08, 2009

cross your fingers

Well, so far we have little sense of Caspian's personality because pretty much, he sleeps.

And sleeps.

And sleeps.

He sleeps while nursing, he sleeps while his sister runs her hands all over him and points at his nose, and he sleeps while pooting.

Occasionally he surfaces, stretches both arms up and away from his head, opens a rheumy eye, and gazes around in what looks like bewilderment.

Too complicated for this little dude, he decides, and falls back asleep.

Oh, he cries. He has a particularily hysterical "lar-lar-lar" cry that comes up when he's hungry or being changed or having his heel pricked by the midwife.

Last night we stuffed him full of milk and formula (more on that in a minute) and changed him and swaddled him and laid him down in the woven bassinet Annaliese slept about 3 combined seconds in. We put the bassinet next to the bed and watched him gaze serenely at the ceiling.

He was awake for awhile, but quietly, no crying. And then he-- and we-- fell asleep.

I woke at 2:45am on my own.

He was still asleep.

Nearly 5 hours later.

I tried to wake him to feed him, but he wasn't having it. Eventually he woke on his own, got more milk from the aforementioned sources, got reswaddled, and drifted back to sleep in the bed with K. and me.

I would not have believed this possible if it didn't happen to me, and even now, I'm like-- really? Really? Maybe he's sick.

But he's eating, tooting, with good color, so I don't think he is ill.

Knock on wood-- he just came into this world comfortable with sleeping, in a way that has taken Annaliese over a year to achieve... sure, she eventually-- EVENTUALLY-- slept 5 hours at a stretch, when she was 4 months old or so, sometimes. But always she had to be cajoled into sleep. As an infant, we could never-- NEVER-- swaddle her, lay her down, and watch her simply close her eyes and go to sleep.

Amazing. I know he will wake up in the coming weeks, but I am rooting for the night-times to continue.

Now, on the food issue...

I was not prepared to be giving Caspian a bottle. Breatfeeding is the one thing Annaliese and I rocked at: she had no formula at all for 6 weeks, and even then it was just the occasional night-time one so I could sleep a little more.

Maybe it's the blood loss. Maybe it's the fact he weighed a hair under 10 pounds at birth. But whatever the reason, my supply ain't keeping up with the little boy.... he's on the boob all day, keeping me drained, and he's still hungry.

So we're topping him off with formula, and I really, really wish we didn't have to. Hopefully the insane amounts of Mothers' Milk tea and fluids and food that I'm consuming will mean that I catch up with him.


I am anxious to be off the couch and into some kind of routine, but all are adamant that I stay off my feet until Wednesday and even then start back very cautiously. The midwife estimates I lost a liter of blood, and I am once again... yellow. K. says I look like a Twilight star. Hence no pictures. But I am taking my pills and supplements and eating like a hog so hopefully my platelets will rebound fast.

It pisses me off that this happened again because I feel that it undermines the actual birth, which-- as much as labor can be-- was great. Quick, easy, normal, and no tearing (woo!) with a ginormous healthy baby at the end. Annaliese was around eating her breakfast in the am, and got shuttled off to the nieghbor's for the intense part. I did not scare her. I put away the dishes and set up her breakfast during contractions. I washed my hair.

And then I proceeded to scare the crap out of the assistant midwife (who was there first, living closer) by almost having the baby with her, while the lead midwife did 80 miles an hour down 315 and arrived about 15 minutes before he was born.

Whatever. I'm alive, I am really thankful that I labored and delivered at home and then got in bed with my new baby, and now I'm looking forward to feeling better and watching this tiny little seedling grow into an actual person.


Big D said...

i'll knock on all the wood i can in the hopes he'll keep sleeping. sleeping baby boys are the sweetest thing. Maybe A will take a cue from him and they'll take naps together!

do not, do not, do not worry about the boob/bottle combo. girl, you just gave birth to a HUGE baby! don't push yourself. you're doin' just fine.

I can't wait to come see all of you, after you've rested and gotten accustomed to each other.

SO much love from Nashville...!

Sam said...

Congratulations! He looks oh so beautiful. Stay strong and no worries about what you have to do to keep that baby boy fed.