Friday, May 12, 2006

at risk of revealing my genius...

I've recently been interested in the differences between what we know we should feel and what we do feel.

Come on. You know what I'm talking about.

I should have been exhilerated by getting to run with the stars of my JV crosscountry team, but I actually was really dissapointed and resentful that my place in the back of the pack had been denied to me.

I should have been a blushing emotional bride, but actually I was very calm and still.

I should have felt bored and invalidated my senior year decision to quit all the organized activities I had previously been involved in, but actually I was so relieved and happy (yep, I am competitive, but man, I hate pressure).

Anyone, anyone?


Anonymous said...

One of my most favorite sayings: "Should, Would, Could... three words that mean absolutly nothing." Some Native American cultures don't even have words that translate into any of these three.
Why? Because it doesn't matter what someone should, would, or could do/feel/say/etc. All that matters (when it boils down to it), is what someone does do/feel/say/etc.
For example, you should have felt bored and invalidated (your) senior year. But instead, you probably had more time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy your senior year. That's really all that matters, right?

Just my thoughts. Have a great day!
~Sarah - Jon's gf.

Able Ponder said...

Yep, you're right. But think of "should" in quotation marks, coming from a querulous crone wagging her finger, who may or may not be right.

Able Ponder said...

Oh-- and Sarah, I know you you are :)

Anonymous said...

::rubs toe into the sand::
I just wanted to make sure... :)
And - I can hardly picture you being a crone. Querluous? Maybe. But definitely not a crone.

And perhaps knowing the difference in what we should feel and what we do feel can help people get the care and assistance that they need (depression, for example).
Oh poo - now I'm contradicting myself. Dang it!


Anonymous said...

hmmm. Without should/could/would, do we toss out our ability to conceive of uncertainty, change, or improvement?

Let's say I build a wobbly bridge.

It is bad.
I can't say: It could be better, it should be better, or it would have been better if.

And I can't warn people by telling them they shouldn't walk across it.

Without these suggestive and contemplative words, we'd be reduced to imperative statements and state-of-being verbs.

Notice to say that, I had to hide 'would' in a conjugation.


Able Ponder said...

hah! or someone could tlel me a story about a time when they felt___ and did ___

sheesh philosophical k.

Anonymous said...

Okay "K" - I'll bite.

You build a wobbly bridge (I'm leaving out business ethics for the time being).
This bridge CAN be better. You built a bad bridge. You can warn people by putting up a sign that says: "This is a wobbly bridge. Walk across at your own risk."

But, let's get to the heart of your statement:
Without should/could/would, do we toss out our ability to conceive of uncertainty, change, or improvement?
No. You're assuming:
a)people stop using those words completely
b)people stop having an imagination. As long as people are creative and hold onto their experimental minds - we will never toss out those things.
c) Perhaps we're overlooking the lovely word: "Perhaps." It is still suggestive and contemplative - and it also proactive.

Basically, I see it as people taking responsibility for their actions and being accountable.
The word "Can" implies a proactive action. "Should," "Could," and "Would" implies a passive action.

Example: PeggyAnn has a meeting with Todd at 1:30pm. He doesn't show up. She confronts him about it. He can say: "I would've been there, but..." or, he can say "I wasn't there. I am sorry. Can I make it up to you?" Lame excuse (passive) vs. taking responsibility (proactive).

Or for another example, instead of saying "I would take out the trash..." a good husband would say "I will take out the trash." :)
Just a little joke for your afternoon...


Anonymous said...

Boy am I glad none of you are engineers building bridges that should would or could be better !!!
Experience decides and reveals the truth . You build the strongest bridge and best one ,you don't get involved if you'd rather bake cookies , and you make darn sure there is no room for could have been better unless you think of the color !!!
Feelings are the only ones that should would or could ,they too are most damaging as a poorly built bridge might be .
Indeed the human mind is really intricate and yes we do often the opposite we should , although we would be so much better off if we could control those slippery feelings !!!
This is my forceful opinion !!!
I should tell you who I am but that would blow my cover and I could not remain anonymous ... Soli Deo Gloria