the way I want things to be.

Last night, it rained. We've had very hot and dry weather-- 100 degrees, blazing sun, no rain whatsoever-- for 3 weeks, so it was a big deal. The kids and I rushed inside and watched the storm beating against the windows and drank hot chocolate and talked about the trees and the grass gobbling up the water like we were gobbling up hot chocolate.

then i, hitting a wall after 10 hours of continuous motion, told them i needed to lie down for a little bit, and could they play together please?

they came in my room two minutes later. annaliese chattered next to the bed about random things while caspian fed me grapes. it was actually pretty relaxing.

we all slept like logs, windows open and the first cool night air in forever floating through the house. i woke up early on my own, about 6, and it was incredibly refreshing to lie dreamily, listening to the chickens and the birds and the general sounds of morning. it made me realize how much i miss the houses i grew up in, my mom's of course, also my grandmother's in pennsylvania, houses that didn't even have air-conditioning and relied heavily on screen doors and windows and fans to bring the invariably cool night air into the house.

i felt like a lid had been taken off the top of my head. like a box compressing my shoulders had fallen away.

i don't like how much we're inside here.