It's weird being by myself.

But I am looking on the many bright sides: rooms stay clean after I clean them. I eat whatever I want for meals and do not scarf it with an arm hooked around my bowl because someone else prefers it to their own meal. I have not dealt with another human being's bathroom needs.

And I'm joining them in three days so I better relish it while I can!

I am trying to get a couple things done for the store while i have more time. One of them is accomplished: a logo. Here it is. I love it. A local lady-- who eats lunch with me daily and has a gallery down the street and whose oldest boy plays soccer with Annaliese and who is awesome at all things vintage-y-- made it for me. In exchange for a little cash and a lot of store credit.



I kinda want to tattoo it on my butt.

But I won't.

(Mom.)

The store in general has been doing awesome but this week is sucking so let's hope that changes.

K. said a really nice thing to me last week. He said that he thought that if I inherited millions of dollars, I'd probably keep doing what I'm doing. I probably would. It's an odd thing to feel born to be a small-town grocer.

In news of K, I guess it's okay to announce that he quit his job 2 weeks ago. He's still working there-- until the end of March-- because he gave notice the right way: he's leaving with bridges intact and letters of recommendation in hand. Handily, mere months after our moneypit of a building stabilized financially what with the 4 paying tenants we have and hope to keep, knock on wood.

He is not moving to another job. He is walking out, looking around, and seeing what evolves.

This scares the pants off some members of our family but maybe naively, not me.

I fell in love with a tall boy who was pretty poor, by my standards, and by the luck of the draw he ended up making a lot of money, more than our peers, enough for us to pretty much do what we want, enough for me to stay home and then open a store and work for free. He has made a lot of money for awhile now. We've bought our home and the building and two vintage Mercedes and paid off the Vermont cabin and the other toys (not all on our own, thanks Dad!). And lately we've been looking at each other and thinking-- well, okay, either we yuppie it up and get a cleaning lady and a leased fancy car and enjoy this lifestyle a little more, or we change it.

He's 31. Been working in the same industry since he was 22. Either he changes now or be'll be closer to 40 and less likely to jump over to something else.

So he's jumping.

And I am really proud of him. I'm betting he lands on his feet. He always has before.

In the mean time, no more cleaning lady :(

The Sound of Silence

It's me all by myself at home today. First time in... two years.

Rather wondrous.

I have been more than a little strung out in the last 2 weeks. Mama, apparently, has had her quota, and anxious hysteria has ensued.

However. The kids be doing alright.

This afternoon:

Annaliese, fooling around:

15 minutes ago, the children, spied out the window, picking flowers together:

Now they're putting them in a mason jar.

The beginning of Something

My cousin Nick is coming for a visit today and he has brought New England with him: it's like 18 degrees out there. RIDICULOUS. I secede.

This week has maybe, potientally, been a game-changer, and I can't talk about it yet. So there. I'm excited, though. Change is good. Change is how you get what you want.

I was reading manager blogs yesterday on tips how to fire people-- uh-huh-- and came across a piece of wisdom that I will paraphrase: the right person in the job can increase productivity by a factor of 5. So don't settle for the almost-right person, because they're hurting your business.

Well, that explains my cook's impact... she is right, and she has impacted my business in an exponential kind of way. Plus she makes Annaliese lunch every day.

We had a completely average week at the store last week. No special events, no crazy surge of shoppers, no holidays to boost sales (other than Valentine's Day, which did sell a few extra cupcakes). And yet we paid our own way. We hit a number in sales that seems unremarkable now--- average, even-- and yet, it's what I was thrilled to get to last spring. There is growth, is what I'm saying. There is growth. People from outside the community still ask me often-- are you doing ok? Is there demand for a little store like this, with imported pasta and cane-sugar sodas and organic yogurt?

It hasn't been a slam dunk. But apparently, slowly, one elderly lady swearing my apples are the best, or the bank teller telling me yesterday that the grass-fed local rib-eyes have the best flavor, or the old guys eating biscuits and gravy on Saturday morning, at a time, there is.

There are not a lot of locavores in this town. There are very few rich people. But everyone wants two things: their food to taste good or cost less. Its definitely and either/or.

We try to appeal to both. On different items. Hence the 99 cent/lb apples and the imported pasta.

I super love selling food.

Most of my customers still shop at supermarkets, but the longer I spend away from Kroger or Whole Foods, the more repellent I find them. People tell me every day they have to go there for --- fill-in-the-blank-- brand, and I nod, but whatever. A brand is a brand. I'm kind of happy leaving all that targeted marketing, that deceptive "freshly baked!" labeling, that generic versus name-brand ingredient scrutinizing, behind. We don't have as many options in our shopping as Krogerites, but on the other hand, I know exactly where my food is coming from. I know precisely where the money I spend in little stores go. And shockingly, the assumption that prices are higher mostly isn't true. It's true on brands. Not true on produce, or bread, or coffee, or other staples.

And that's not just my store. K and I went to a little hipster market in Portland last summer and then we went to Whole Foods. The little hipster market's produce was across the board more varied, more local, and cheaper than Whole Foods.

I wish everyone would eat small. The world would change.

-----

I can really go on about groceries as of late.

----

Family? Kids are great. Caspian is eating like a horse and has the body of a future boxer and now weighs a pound less than his sister, who still has half-a-head of height on him. He seems wildly popular in this town. Yesterday we left them at the church for a youth event and when we came to pick them up, he was getting touted by all the big kids, who were trying to orchestrate his winning at musical chairs. He also snuggled up to me this morning and told me how happy he was it was family day. And he's completely potty-trained -- at 2 and a half-- with very little effort from me. Caspian's awesome.

Annaliese has been a champ lately at the store, and at French lessons, which she adores. Twice a week at 11am she runs up the stairs behind the store to Madeleine's apartment and gets tutored by this very hip arty girl in French. She comes back down and our cook makes her tell us something in French before she gets her lunch. She then takes her lunch and flies down to the front of the store, where she usually watches a cartoon and eats her sandwich, carrots, and pickles at her little desk in front of the window. Sometimes she disappears next door to the dress shop and watches Miss J. cutting fabric, or I'll find her in the kitchen with Miss C., icing a cookie.

It's a charmed life. She's pretty independent at the store, because she has to be; I'm working. It's harder having her there, but conversely, she seems to be thriving. And she is learning to love her vegetables.

And K.? K is handsome and funny and last night we had a true Mississippi date: after dropping the kids off at the church party and before the art council event we were slated to attend, we got take-out crawfish from the little former gas-station down the road and then pulled pork sandwiches from the trailer that sells BBQ on the weekends next to Sonic. We grabbed the one can of beer in our fridge and sat in the booths of my store, getting spices and BBQ sauce all over our hands. K's good.

I am anxious for spring because I want to plant my sunflowers and zinnias and morning glories and crazy heirloom squashes and melons.

We are going to be harvesting our first rabbits this week.

The daffodils are out.

Have a great week!

Little Carnivore

This morning, my children talking about what they want for dinner. Caspian wants chicken. Annaliese said, "but we don't have chicken in our refrigerator. We'll have to go kill one. Because our chickens are YUMMY!"

Happy Saturday!

It's been a long week.

K and I had a fight. It was his fault. I was right. An ancient toaster met an untimely end.

Just kidding honey. You were totally right.

Then we went out to dinner and a gallery opening downtown last night and now we're best friends again.

(I was right.)

The kids have been a little omnipresent, but on the upside, Caspian has taken to putting his pudgy little-boy hands on either side of my face and calling me his sweet mama.

That boy is going to go far in life. Everyone he meets wants to kiss him.

Two perfect raincoats arrived in the mail-- pink ladybugs for my girl, neon camo for my boy-- which they love and Annaliese has been living in hers. Good thing since it's raining daily.

The rabbits have been grazing the orchard, which is not all that level, and they keep tunneling holes out and so we have learned to catch rabbits with a fishing net. It's a lot of fun.

K. has to go to sunny Florida at 5am tomorrow and that bums me out.

A few pics-- a friend snapped them for a mag publication that's no longer going to happen, so now they're mine!--

In the last week

I went to New Orleans and didn't take a single picture.

(I did have an awesome time though.)

I lost 2 pounds. 4 to go.

(Rockstar2012 diet: includes no cocaine and a lot of walnuts.)

I sat on the couch with my husband and talked for 2 hours.

(He rubbed my feet too.)

A guy named Randy who's kin to my cook at the store and who used to make BBQ brought me three ducks in a brown paper bag.

(They're still in my fridge, don't tell him.)

Annaliese told me for the first time tonight amid sobs that she wished she didn't have a mother.

(I bent my head to hide a smile.)

The store's a hairsbreath away from being overdrawn at the bank. And those are only the checks I have to write, not all the money owed.

(What else is new? It's January.)

I bought skinny jeans and I like 'em.

(two years late, but hey, I'm no trendster.)

random thought of the day

I dislike the whole idea of push presents. I love presents. Birthdays, Christmas, anniversaries, whatever, whenever, love 'em, love presents. K. actually gave me a beautiful necklace after Annaliese's birth. But honestly? I remember not even wanting to put it on. I was the ugliest I'd ever been after the births of my kids and what I really wanted was for my boobs to stop hurting and to be able to go to the bathroom without fear, not to mention a good night's sleep.

Jewelry kinda seemed to miss the point.

this tickled me.

click here.

Just Overheard

The children playing with blocks behind me....

Annaliese: Love you.

Caspian: Love YOU.

Annaliese: Why do you whine all the time?

Caspian: Because I like to.

Annaliese: Silly boy.


Now they're playing hide-and-seek and Annaliese is luring Caspian out of hiding with waffles. He just burst out "I wanna waffle!"

Funny kids.

Some pics from the winter here.

2012 Blessings

In truth, it's an effort to find blessings right now. December wipes me out. And we haven't really had any kind of break to regroup for the new year. I am more tapped out than I've been for awhile. That solo trip to New Orleans to see an old friend can't come quick enough. (Next weekend!)

And yet.

If I had a resolution for 2012, it'd be to focus a little bit on nourishment for me. I still have a business and two little kids and all that, but the cloud is lifting and it's theoretically possible for me to go running, go to the gym, get up early for a dawn cup of coffee, go to bed and sleep under a quilt for the whole night through. (I wouldn't have believed it, but those things... aren't possible with an infant). I've ordered my seeds and I went for a walk today (with Annaliese tucked in a stroller) and I am actually sitting on the couch tonight, ignoring the floors and the unfolded laundry. We're talking about hiring a house-cleaner. We're going on a date tomorrow night. Much to be excited about.


Tomorrow is my little girl's 4th birthday. Which means 4 years ago tonight was the last night I truly had to myself. I don't remember what I did. You never do.

Having children has been as mind-altering as people say it is. I think we take parenting too lightly; oh, get married, have a baby, nothing shocking there. When really, for me, it's been the first and just about sole thing I've ever done that has profoundly changed the fabric of my every waking minute in ways I don't always like and have no control over. I love my kids. But hell, it'd be nice to go to the bathroom by myself once in awhile.

Annaliese launched into this world as herself. She lifted her head five minutes after birth, shocking the midwives; she was immediately present in aw way I didn't appreciate until after I'd met more newborns. She was a pain. She didn't sleep. She saved her best side for strangers and social scenes. She never crawled. She once pooped so loud during church that the whole congregation turned to look at us. She was a baby and then she wasn't and now I can barely see the baby unless she is very deeplyasleep (which she does now!).

She is almost 4 and she is smart and interesting and a good sister. She is still social. She sleeps a lot better now, finally, just within the last 6 months, seldom instead of always waking at night.

Last weekend she came into our room after nap and I said, Annaliese, do you have bangs?

And she said, You were SUPPOSED to put the scissors. where I couldn't REACH them.

Then: my hair was in my face.

She did a pretty good job.

She is having her friends over for pancakes Saturday morning and they are all going to wear their pajamas. I am making carrot cake cupcakes. That's what I do for my kids and husband: bake whatever they want, even though I'm lousy at it.

I love her more than I could have ever imagined when she was my phantom girl child who would maybe have blue eyes and straight brown hair and who would never, ever be mouthy.



So. Blessings.

There are three of them in this house and more of them in Virginia and a handful on the East Coast. There are my fruit trees and my garden and the seeds in the mail. There is my new cook at the store and the shining copper counter in the early morning and the smell of fresh coffee and bread and the shining apple heaps. There is the mile I ran without stopping yesterday and the acorns I picked up on today's walk and the brown eggs my chickens are laying. There are three days in New Orleans next week. There is money in the bank and gas in the car and milk in the fridge.

hopefully there will be some kind of sum-up post.

with pictures and all that. someone should get on that!

but in the mean time...

in 2011, K. and I worked really friggin' hard.

BUT!

We did NOT

-move
-have a baby
- buy a house/building
- start a business
-any combination there of

which makes it completely unique in our marriage.

Instead, we worked.

And worked.

And worked.

But! The store had its best week ever last week. K's got two new tenants who have signed leases and written checks, which brings our total rent-paying legitimate tenants to 4 (not including the store), which means there is only one space left, and he JUST finished that one. Which in turn means the building is "cash-positive."

AND we took the kids out for dinner on an impromptu family adventure to Greenwood last night. And no one cried. No one got hauled out and spanked on a sidewalk. No one pooped in their pants.

I'm counting 2011 as a win.

the great advantage

of a five pm cup of coffee can be seen in my house tonight: website rough draft action plan, check. three loads of laundry, sorted and all, check. dishes, counters, bottom of the refrigerator, check. sit-ups and leg-lifts, check. christmas cards written and sealed, check.

I'll be paying for it in another hour but by then maybe I'll have the kitchen floor mopped.

don't know how it happens

I get to the end of my rope and then i wake up and i'm all like "bring it! BRING IT!"

hence the plot to feed rich southern people everywhere with a new online ordering/shipping business. i mean, we're cooking. so why not? We have the best pimento cheese ever made.

family picnic in the randomly 70 degree day, Wednesday:




Kids good. Husband better. Store only moderately in the hole. 2 new renters for K's building, leases signed and all. Strawberry plants grown new leaves.

Last Tuesday

Last Tuesday, it rained. We had no shoppers. I had a few that managed to lacerate me to the bone. Struggled home with the kids and walked into a house full of garbage spread across the floor. Went to my bed to cry and found the bed also filled with garbage-- Dido the damn dog had lain in it and chewed stuff.

In short, it was a pretty shitty day.

And it made me realize something: no matter what happens with the store, no matter what happens with the dogs or the weather or whatever, I need my family-- K and the kids-- to be at the center of my life.

Sounds odd but that's how it happened.

So that attitude has informed the week since and thigns have happened. Annaliese is not going to daycare, for one thing; she used to love it, but she's bored now, almost 3 years later, and wants to be with me. So she has been, all week. And we're both happier.

Caspian-- who was the one I was worried about-- ALSO seems happier. He has been getting solo Daddy-time in the morning after Annaliese and I trundle off to work at 7:30am and he is chipper as a little bumblebee when we pick him up in the afternoons. He likes his teacher. Likes his friends. Likes school. And that's a good thing, because he is too toddler-y to accompany me to the store for an hour, let alone day after day.

Of course, we were all home today for Mommy-day, and that was at times awesome and at times wretched like most days in this house.

But overall, our lives are felling more integrated, which is a good thing. And K has TWO new renters slotted to move in in January, which means the finished part (one last unit pending) will be fully occupied. So damn proud of him.

Imagine how much extra time we'll have if the building gets done! WHOA! He's been working Tuesday nights, Thursday nights, and Saturdays on this project since before Annaliese was born.

Almost 5 years, one house, 2 kids, and a store later....

Christmas Parade

If I had to guess, I'd say 2012 will be a year of change for my family.

But as it is, we're all okay. Store's the store. Up and down and all-around. K's job is K's job. The kids are sick or whiny or happy or charming or precocious, depending on the minute.

We love them. They love us. It's a nice thing.

This weekend, they're in our small town's Christmas parade, riding on a float with the nursery school friends. Caspian is going to be a dwarf with a bear and a toboggan hat. Annaliese is going to be Tinkerbell or Snow White, I'm not quite sure. We're going to put our tree up this week and do our best to fill our children with the magic of Christmas: I foresee cookie-making, letters to Santa, lights around the porch, the whole shebang.

We want so much to give them a great childhood.

It's been Kind of a Big Few Weeks.

Probably won't get back to blogging until Nonni and Auntie Eliza, aka Mom and Eliza, go home.

Rabbits, etc.

I had an unexpected day off Saturday and that-- coupled with Caspian full-fledged sick and K sickish-- meant we stayed close to home and had a mini-vacay weekend.

We took naps. Walks. Runs. We spent $20 on four rabbits- three girls and a boy-- on a long-contemplated foray into backyard protein. K. built the hutch with Annaliese Saturday afternoon while sick Caspian napped and I cleaned the house.

It was very peaceful and very nice and there's not much more that can be said about it.

Check here for pics.

Saturday night. Babies kissed and played with and in their beds. (I think.) Sitcoms lined up, husband home, wood fire roaring. Nowhere we have to be in the morning.

Things be alright.

pouting.

my face hurts, my sister's mad at me, my staff is mad at me (no dishwasher, lots of sickness, everyone working too hard), i am working a 14-hour day today which means i can't see my babies until tomorrow afternoon, and i don't feel well.

SO THERE.

at long last

Here ya go.

To Whet Your Halloween Appetite

sweeter than candy...

the ghost of salvador dali

(who was supposed to be a green tiger, but who threw a fit 3.2 seconds before we needed to be out of the house.)

pics from the weekend

Friday night: we're at the Lyric waiting for Snoop Dog, and excited about it!

Picture 2: Still at the Lyric. Still waiting. A little excited. A little... queasy.

Picture 3: Are there two cameras in front of my face? Time to go home....

Saturday night, we went to a friend's family-friendly Halloween party and drank absolutely nothing.

Had fun anyway.
Caspian, hours after his bedtime, chilling with the grownups, wearing monkey pjs.

Annaliese: not pictured, since we didn't see her the whole night (they had a teenager keeping an eye on the kidlets, and she was glued to her BFF's side the whole night anyhow).

Tomorrow? Halloween.2 blocks, trick'or'treating, with pretty much everybody we know, ranging in age from a 16-month-old to a 5 year-old. Those 2 blocks will probably take 4 hours.

happy, happy, happy.

Typing this from the couch at home where I'm drinking tea and eating a banana to combat the queasy stomach last night left me.

k and I went OUT last night in a big way. Dinner, drinks, puking, snoop dog concert... not at all our style but it was kinda fun to do something so... different? stupid? juvenile?

I think I get seasonal depression over the summers here, because over since October hit, I've gone from feeling WE.MUST.MOVE.NOW to kinda loving Mississippi again. My house is looking great-- new energy came with the cool air and it's never looked better. I took today off from the store (a full weekend!!!) and went and got breakfast by myself this morning. Forgot my credit card and ended up borrowing money from a friend who happened to be selling at the season's last farmers' market. There was good coffee and live music and people I know to talk to.

And now I'm home, in my pretty house, and K made brownies with the kids, and life seems sweet.

Church today

Annaliese and Caspian walked down the aisle to the children's time at the alter for the first time. They walked slowly, with Annaliese's hand on Caspian's back.

They plunked down and listened like good kids.

The preacher said something about marriage and Caspian announced that when he grew up, he was going to get married.

That got a laugh.

Later there was a pause and Caspian said so clearly that the whole church heard "I've got a ball in my pocket." (He did.)

We got lots of compliments on our children after the service :)

------

The stupid camera thing was in K's computer bag all month! Click here to view some pics.

in case you're not on facebook

friday morning, the farmer? milkman? awesome guy who started mississippi's first micro-dairy? stopped by to give us more milk for the weekend. and he brought his buddy, who was riding shotgun, named jimmy dean.

said the little guy had doubled his birthweight in a week drinking his jersey-cow milk.

he then told me about a pig who used to follow his like a dog, the goat who lived in his porch and went hunting with them, and the night he'd recently spent perched on top of his dairy, waiting for the dogs who'd gotten into his hogs.

i bet you can guess his daddy was larry brown, the writer.

at long last

well, I turned 29. Which was awesome. As birthdays generally are. Presents, cake, breakfast in bed-- who could ask for more?

Weather's great. Store's kicked up a notch these last 2 weeks (keep your fingers seriously crossed). K's cute. I lost 9 pounds. Kids are growing up and smart and funny and Annaliese currently has three jars of mustard in her fort on the porch, I found out this afternoon. She dips her fingers into it and eats it "for her breath."

We went canoeing yesterday. Going on a Mommy-trip to the zoo on Wednesday. I'd like my house to stay clean longer (top-to-bottom twice a week! gah!) and to have a movie-night out with K and to lose another 5 pounds without thinking about it and for our lame-ass internet to get its act in gear, but mostly, everything's great.

Braggin'

The store looked really good last night. Big event here in town, another success, and K bought me a luminous painting done by the girl who lives in the white house across the street, the house where Annaliese came into being.

I was so proud of K. last night. And the store. But mostly of K.

See, in August, our first renters moved into the apartment. The apartment WE thought was beautiful, the apartment that K did his way, not fancy, but gorgeous. And with the interior design genius of the girl who moved in there... the apartment was the talk of the town last night, as she was on the art crawl and so everyone saw how beautiful it is. K. was feted wherever he went and I was so... glad for him. He has been working for so long, on his own, without any recognition.

You can go here for pics of that...

Shots of the cafe in the rear of the store last night.... typing this at the counter this morning, as a handful of people eat breakfast back there. Three grocery shoppers so far this morning. Cross your fingers.

Feeling Better.

The word is spreading in our small town that we're going to need... you know, CUSTOMERS, to survive. It's freeing to have that out there.

New produce supplier. In addition, not instead. For the first time, we have shallots, leeks, other good things. We have a big opportunity this weekend to wow people, as our town is putting on its third art crawl, a super-neat thing that will have scores of disposable-income folks traipsing by my store. They won't be hungry, but hopefully, we can impress them with some holiday ordering-- cooking class-general neat destination stuff.

It never stops.

Other than the customer-money, I completely love it. This is the first non-family/k/babies/home project I have ever had that engrosses me.

----

Awesome party at our house last night. I threw a "Because It's Fall" get-together. 11 kids under the age of 5. 13 or so adults. Clean house. Good food. Kids playing into the night in the garden, playing tag and Dead and wearing butterfly wings. Bonfire. Tipsy dads throwing hot coals (not my sweetie, though). Good times and I'm glad I did it.

-----

Had a nice talk with my Dad today.

------

Kids are great. K's a little grumpy with me at the moment but he's got to get over it... Sunday's my birthday!

I am FREAKING out.

In the last four months at the store, I've dealt with a lot of things. Personnel, of course. Equipment, naturally. Starting a delivery program that's gone pretty well (last Friday, we delivered more food to 14 people than we sold in 11 hours to 70 people.) We've begun serving a hot cooked breakfast, 6 days a week. An article about us on the front page of the Sunday Metro section of Memphis's Commercial Appeal just came out.

I have done all these things and yet, I feel like I'm failing.

I said it.

FAILING.

Ever Monday, I hand out checks to my four part-time, two full-time employees and the baker. Every week, I juggle which supplier has to be paid right now, who can wait until later. I just found out yesterday we owe our most relaxed supplier, gourmet cheeses and meats, $1500. Every week, I can't afford to both pay my overhead AND replace the inventory that I've sold.

It's fucking depressing.

Why is this happening? Despite produce prices and deli prices being the same as Wal-Marts (who incidentally, is not down the street, but a solid 25 minute drive away), despite Water Vallians swearing up and down that all they wanted was another grocery store, despite me adding everything that's made sense: sandwiches, deli items, casseroles, soups, ice cream, yeast rolls, and now, breakfast.... people just won't buy at my store.

They'll buy a few tomatoes. Or a cookie. Or a two-dollar sandwich. Or a bottle of milk, a loaf of bread, two packages of meat and cheese. But they won't wheel a cart around the store and buy groceries. Because, somehow, we don't sell groceries in people's minds. We're not big enough, with numbered aisles, and plastic bags, and a mammoth parking lot.

Here's what it would take: 100 people spending about $50+ per week on groceries with me. The lunch and breakfast and random drop-ins would take care of the rest.

100 people.

I can count 100 people who all live within a mile of my store.

But they drive to Wal-Mart or Kroger, 25 minutes away, instead.

It's maddening. It's heartbreaking. It haunts my dreams and makes me cry and diminishes my time with my family because I have a huge albatross on my shoulder all the fucking time.

Why don't I just quit?

Because I'm an optimist at heart. Because I have employees who use the money I give them to put food on their tables (sometimes, even bought at my store). Because it would gut the optimism on my town's Main Street-- we're not the only new business.

Because some weeks, we're so close.

But it's been 16 months now, and we're going into fall and winter-- a food-retail desert, I've discovered-- with no reserves.

I wonder if we'll still be open come spring.

This Sunday, This Fall

I managed to sleep in until 9 this morning. This was accopmplished by steadfastly ignoring K's elbow in my ribs and sleeping through his vaulting out of bed every 24 minutes to start another Caillou and Diego for the kids, who are, perpetually, little larks, no matter if they go to bed at 8 or midnight.

Felt great :)

Weather is wondrous after the long summer.... cool at night, comfortable during the day, and yesterday we moved our kitchen table to the porch to better enjoy it.

Right now, I'm on my third cup of coffee, K's mowing, kids are napping, and a long lazy afternoon stretches ahead. I have to clean the house. That's about it.

Yesterday sucked. Work-wise, family-wise, everything-wise, and so today is especially nice.

Brief portraits of the kids:

Annaliese, turning 4 in January, bright and contrary and so so so much like K. Contrary. Bossy. Pickle-loving. Very bright. Interested in how things work. "Tell me about this," she'll say, and then we are talking about the solar system, the mechanics of cranes. She is also my sunshine girl and my bablinga and she still can't sleep without her soft pink blanket. She is a bit tured of daycare, I think. She wants to be in the real world, with us, all the time. She tells me very night how she doesn't like to sleep, and I say I know, honey, you never have. This girl doesn't want to miss a thing.

I've started keeping the kids with me on Wednesdays, my day off from the store. Sometimes this means we putter and hang out. Last Wednesday it meant we drove a trailer-load full of used equipment to Memphis, sold it, and bought stuff for the store's newly opened Red Apron Cafe. This Wednesday I hope we'll hit the library and the park. I think it's helping with her daycare-fatigue.

And Caspian.

Caspian turned 2 in June, which makes him not even 2.5, and he's awesome. If you can get his paccy out of his mouth, he talks. He's extraordinarily kind for a toddler, sweet to people and animals alike. He starts conversations by asking "Did you have a dream?" On Friday, my longest day work-wise, I came home after dinner to him hugging me around my knees and saying in his serious lisping little voice, "I love you so much." He has a spot in our closet where he likes to hide. He loves his sister and wants to be with her most of the time. He bear-wrestles her, shows me how big he is, just learned to say "Caspian" instead of "Apian." He knows he's two. He is very, very funny, and when we go on walks, he'll stop, cock his head to the side, and say, "I'm gettin' TIRED," then run forward with his funny steadfast straight-backed serious run. He has kissable cheeks and big brown eyes and wherever we go, people smile at the sight of him. He told me he loved the UPS van upon first sight.

Of course, they also fight every five minutes, and find crayons and color on their walls during nap-time, and pee on the carpets, and whine and cry and get on my ever-last nerve. Yesterday, that very crap-day, I told my mom that I just wanted to hide in the closet where no one could talk to me and drink. (I didn't. DON'T WORRY EVERYBODY I'M NOT AN ALCOHOLIC. GOSH.)

I just went to check on them and they are in nothing but pull-ups, lying side-by-side in Annaliese's bed, sleepy-eyed, tattooed all over their stomachs and necks and cheeks with ballpoint pen (WHERE do they find these things???).

I wonder what they'll be like next fall.

tonight,after-dinner-and-bath

one photo....

Our new friend James, special forces, very bad-ass, also a photographer, took this pic fri night and I LIKE IT. which is amazing, since it was at the tail-end of a 13-hour work day and i was pretty darn grumpy and yelling at him for taking my photo at all.

as for pics of the kids, i have none. i am not sure where many things-- bills, wallet, etc-- are, and the camera card is no exception.

but!

fun story: yesterday, sunday, nap-time. kids playing in their room which they do for HOURS on the weekend even though you'd swear they were tired and grumpy before naptime. Suddenly: silence. K and i thought they'd gone to sleep, finally.

He happened to go into the kitchen and there, happy as little horrible clams, he saw our children. OUTSIDE. IN THE CAR.

Caspian was literally on top of the car, in fact, sliding through the sun roof.

I'd left a window open in their room that had a ripped screen, thanks to the other escape artist in the family, Dido the wretched dog.

Otherwise...

Kids are mostly great. Annaliese and I took our first-ever Mama/daughter trip to the Outer Banks, to see Nonni and Eliza, and it was great. She had fun. I had fun. Hopefully my mom and sis did too. And more interestingly, the boys back home had a GREAT TIME. Apparently when Annaliese and I are gone, Caspian doesn't whine, cry, or get over-tired. he talked and ran around with his daddy and they are in mutual love now.

It was awesome not being missed, let me tell you.

Six-year anniversary yesterday. Conclusion? Yep, good idea.

Cheers!

always...

a bad sign when you FORGET you have a blog.

Fall, at least today...

It's RAINING, and I can't overstate how lovely that is. The right kind of rain, too-- slow, soaking, steady. I'm cheering it on for a week... that's how much we need it.

The a/c is off, the windows are open, and K and I lay in bed this morning while the kids played happily and quite alone on the porch. We heard snippets. They were happy. We were happy. Everybody in this house loves Sunday.

I have to say, these last few weeks I have been patting myself on the back for having kids 17 months apart. Sure, the first year was.. not fun.... and people looked at me like I was nuts, but hey! I've only had children for 3 years and 8 months and already I'm not the primary playmate-- they're entertaining each other!

Plus they're adorable together. Double trouble.

They are going to be a year apart in school, I think, because of how their birthdays fall. And Caspian's a big kid so already, people have begun to think they're twins. I kind of think of them as twins. I am grateful that they're different genders... it seems to remove some of the competition and comparison, for some reason.

Anyhow.

K's started running and doing push-ups with his buddy, a former Army Ranger. It's been a month of him doing this 1-4 times per week, and I am so PROUD of him. They go at night, after full days of work and kids and everything, and I'm often asleep when he gets home. Just awesome.

Even a little inspiring.

We're ready for fall. We're happy as a family-- no plans for a 3rd, though accidents sure do happen-- and we're making some more time for each other because we've been a little overly busy in the last few years.

K's got the building's apartment finished and rented. The offices overlooking Main Street are ready to be rented. The store is my demanding third child and needs several things, but continues to go as well as can be expected. It's raining. I'm going to take Annaliese on our first-ever girl's trip and go see my Mom and Auntie Eliza at the beach next weekend.

Everything, at this very present moment in time, is great!

it felt like we took a million pictures, but apparently they are mostly o the children.

Enjoy anyhow.

A big thanks to K's aunt and uncle for hosting us, feeding us, and entertaining our children.

And we're so very glad K's parents, sisters, sister's fiance, and my cousin came to enjoy in the Maine coast! Pretty sweet spot to be in August.... sure did make enduring the Mississippi summer easier!

teaser number two

maine teaser

more to come.

we're going on vacation!

have i mentioned we'er going on vacation? thrice-daily conversation at my house. for the last three months.

vacation! no store, no blackberry, no laptop. no nursery school, no chores, and cross-your-fingers, no 110+ degree days. maine, so the odds are good.

we'll be outside. running around. having fun. together. can't wait.

In honor of My Cryptic Cousin

More later.